Archive for the ‘Stories / Chat’ Category

Can I Haz Some Spears? (as Told by Ryelle)   Leave a comment

[01:40]<Ryelle> Rexaki, there is a reason we don’t arm the newbs
[01:41]<Ryelle> and if you’re not careful, I’ll tell a story about an unfortunate dwarf
[01:41]<Ryelle> and some spiders

[01:49]<Ryelle> well, as you all know, when new players ask for spears, or leather armor or chain mail, I always say
[01:49]<Ryelle> Don’t arm the newbs!!!
[01:49]<Ryelle> you might think that’s because I’m mean
[01:49]<Ryelle> and don’t want the poor newbs to have any fun
[01:50]<Ryelle> but such is not the case
[01:50]<Ryelle> oh no
[01:50]<Ryelle> I say it because of a young dwarf I once knew
[01:50]<Ryelle> promising new player
[01:50]<Ryelle> intrepid
[01:50]<Ryelle> bold
[01:50]<Ryelle> adventurous
[01:50]<Angrim> foolhardy?
[01:50]<Ryelle> perhaps so Angrim
[01:51]<Ryelle> I do not judge
[01:51]<Ryelle> well, the young fellow came into global chat one day
[01:51]<Ryelle> I think he had around 100 population at the time
[01:51]*Angrim cringes.
[01:51]<Ryelle> and he said
[01:51]<Ryelle> plz send me spears 4 army
[01:51]<Ryelle> and the vets were generous
[01:51]<Ryelle> because we like new players in Illy!
[01:52]<Ryelle> the vets were generous and sent him some spears to make an army
[01:52]<Ryelle> this was when I myself was young
[01:52]<Ryelle> and not yet wise
[01:53]<Ryelle> yes, it was a long time ago
[01:53]*Dinsdale gives Ryelle an AARP card
[01:54]<Ryelle> and so the young dwarf made the stalwarts and he sent them into the field
[01:54]<Ryelle> into the plains, it was
[01:54]<Ryelle> to face the giant spiders
[01:54]<Ryelle> their commander went before them, flags flying
[01:54]<Ryelle> and there was much clash of arms
[01:55]<Ryelle> and then there was silence
[01:55]<Ryelle> and at last the villagers went into the field
[01:55]<Ryelle> to find what had happened
[01:55]<Ryelle> and there they found
[01:55]<Fediglio> ???
[01:55]<Dinsdale> ?
[01:55]<Artaxerxes> ??
[01:55]*Ryelle sobs
[01:55]<Rexaki> ????
[01:56]<Gilgamesh Wulfenbach> ????????????
[01:56]<Fediglio> pause for effect
[01:56]<Ryelle> it is too terrible to describe
[01:56]*Dinsdale hands Ryelle a tissue
[01:56]<Ryelle> because they did not find the army
[01:56]<GM Luna> I’m on the edge of my seat here.
[01:56]<GM Luna> lol
[01:56]<Rexaki> wait let me pop some popcorn
[01:56]<Ryelle> nor even a few survivors
[01:56]<Ryelle> indeed they did not even find part of an army
[01:56]<Ryelle> to be accurate they found …
[01:56]<Ryelle> PARTS of an army
[01:56]<Ryelle> there was not enough left to identify the bodies …
[01:57]<Dinsdale> eek!!
[01:57]<Ryelle> not even
[01:57]<Ryelle> an ear
[01:57]<Dinsdale> gasp
[01:57]<Ryelle> for dwarves identify their dead using earprints, you know
[01:57]<Ryelle> don’t ask me why
[01:57]<Ryelle> all dwarf ears look the same to me
[01:57]<Ryelle> but the brave young dwarf was undeterred
[01:57]<Ryelle> and he went back to the generous vets
[01:57]<Ryelle> and he asked
[01:57]<Ryelle> 4 mor spears plz
[01:58]<Ryelle> and what do you suppose the vets said?
[01:58]<Rexaki> sure
[01:58]<Ryelle> indeed, for the vets are kind and generous
[01:58]<Ryelle> if not always wise
[01:58]<CanesRule> spear me the details Rye
[01:58]<Fediglio> lol
[01:58]<Artaxerxes> lol -cane
[01:58]<Ryelle> the vets gave him some more spears
[01:59]<Ryelle> and he made another army
[01:59]<Ryelle> and then …
[01:59]<Ryelle> no one is sure why it happened
[01:59]<Dinsdale> ?
[01:59]<Dinsdale> what??
[01:59]<Artaxerxes> ?
[01:59]<Ryelle> some say that the spirits of the dead stalwarts were angry
[01:59]<Ryelle> others say the giant spiders took their revenge
[01:59]<Ryelle> others say that the young dwarf forgot that he needed gold to pay his army
[02:00]<Ryelle> at any rate, while he was sleeping, the young dwarf’s army
[02:00]<Ryelle> vanished
[02:00]<Dinsdale> no….???
[02:00]<Ryelle> completely gone
[02:00]<Ryelle> not a trace
[02:00]<Dinsdale> ack!
[02:00]<Ryelle> only one thing
[02:00]<Ryelle> was left
[02:00]<Ryelle> the only thing they left was a note
[02:00]<Phoeni470> What was on it, Ryelle?
[02:00]<Dinsdale> a note?
[02:00]<Ryelle> gn 2 snw white 4 suppr, bbl
[02:01]<Ryelle> that was all
[02:01]<Dinsdale> eep
[02:01]<Ryelle> but the young dwarf was not discouraged
[02:01]<Ryelle> he went again to the generous vets
[02:01]<Ryelle> and asked again for spears
[02:01]<Ryelle> and what do you suppose the vets said?
[02:01]<Aurordan> Please say you laughed this time
[02:02]<Ryelle> the vets are kind and generous and somewhat slow learners
[02:02]<Ryelle> but they come to wisdom eventually
[02:02]<Ryelle> so they said
[02:02]<Ryelle> NO!!!
[02:02]<Dinsdale> wow!
[02:02]<Ryelle> they said no to the young dwarf
[02:02]<Ryelle> and advised him to build a spearmaker
[02:02]<Dinsdale> ah…
[02:03]<Phoeni470> What is the moral of the story, Ryelle?
[02:03]<Ryelle> and if he had heeded their words, I might not be telling you this story
[02:03]<Ryelle> but in fact he did not
[02:03]<Ryelle> he became very angry with the vets
[02:03]<Ryelle> and he declared that he would SHOW THEM!!!!
[02:03]<CanesRule> The moral of the story is “Ask vets for spears and you will get the shaft”
[02:03]<Ryelle> and so he marched off onto the plains by himself
[02:03]<Ryelle> to confront the spiders
[02:04]<Dinsdale> oh no…
[02:04]<Sulla2> canes, big lol
[02:04]<Artaxerxes> lol canes
[02:04]<Ryelle> and there was a great cry
[02:04]<Dinsdale> eek!
[02:04]<Ryelle> and then there was silence
[02:04]<Ryelle> and when his villagers went to the field to find out what happened
[02:04]<Ryelle> they found …
[02:04]<Dinsdale> ?
[02:04]<Ryelle> nothing
[02:04]<Dinsdale> ?
[02:04]<Ryelle> not even …
[02:04]<Ryelle> an ear
[02:04]<Dinsdale> OMG
[02:05]<Ryelle> and so the moral of the story is, my friends
[02:05]*Dinsdale hugs his teddy
[02:05]<Ryelle> do not try to make an army
[02:05]<Ryelle> unless you can first make a spear
[02:05]<Dinsdale> bravo!!!
[02:05]<Saint4> interesting story ryelle
[02:05]<GM Luna> *claps* @Ryelle
[02:05]<Dinsdale> well played!!
[02:05]<FancyPants> /applauds
[02:05]<Artaxerxes> thanks ryelle
[02:05]<Susan Calvin> Spooky
[02:05]<Dinsdale> CLAPS
[02:05]<Ryelle> welcome to all new players!
[02:05]*Phoeni470 applauds Ryelle and gives her a snuggle

This (above) is the condensed version.

For the full version, visit this link:
http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/topic2725_post32881.html#32881

Posted November 2, 2011 by illyriadsunstorm in Stories / Chat

The Clay Incident (as told by Ryelle)   Leave a comment

I have heard about this for MONTHS,
but nobody ever told the story behind it.  (^_^)

<Fluffy> dont want to repeat the clay incident
<sajreth> noooo….not THE incident!
<john5420> very sad story
<john5420> the clay incident
<PrimutusV> please not the clay incident still makes me cry
<Ryelle> oh, saj
<Ryelle> please don’t tell the noobs about the clay incident
<Ryelle> we don’t want to scare them away
<sajreth> of course not!
<Vecinu86> what is this clay incident?
<PrimutusV> please dont ask
<sajreth> my elves still hold candle light vigils
<john5420> such a sad story, still keeps me up some nights
<Ryelle> I still have flashbacks
<PrimutusV> so much suffering
<Vecinu86> I’ve been hearing about it in the last 2 days so much that \i’m just dying to know
<john5420> I was the noob they told … trust me you dont want to know
<PrimutusV> he was such a lovely man to
<john5420> It has stunted my growth … and I can’t sp33l right either
*Vecinu86 is sooo curious about this
<john5420> the horror of it all
*john5420 faints
*sajreth thinks we should get the GM’s to build a memoria somewhere in Illy for the incident!
<Ryelle> I dunno if I can face talking about it again
<Ryelle> I dunno … shall I tell them?
<Ryelle> Fluffy and his beer!
<Ryelle> he gets overexcited sometimes
<Ryelle> and he does like to help new players
<Ryelle> I guess they should probably know
<Ryelle> it’s for their own good
<sajreth> agreed a warning could be in order!
*john5420 faints … ( isn’t any one going to snuggle me back to health?)
<Ryelle> could someone please snuggle john?
<PrimutusV> was not always called fluffy you know some say a much darker past lurks beneath that willing smile
<Ryelle> well, new players, please gather round
<Ryelle> you need to know
<Ryelle> you may recall that I urge you when I first see you
<Ryelle> to upgrade your storehouse
<Ryelle> first thing
<Ryelle> most new players, thank goodness
<Ryelle> heed the words of the vets
<Ryelle> and sometimes they even listen to me
<Ryelle> and upgrade their storehouses
<Ryelle> but it has not always been so
<Ryelle> Primutus, do you want to tell the tale
<Ryelle> since you were there?
<PrimutusV> i made a promise which i can never break on pain of death i must be silent
<Ryelle> ok, I will tell it as someone told it to me
<Ryelle> well, the young lad had not upgraded his storehouse
<Ryelle> and Fluffy
<Ryelle> dear, dear Fluffy
<Ryelle> wanted to help
<Ryelle> you new players have to understand, I’m about to tell you about one of the greatest danger to new players in Illy
<Ryelle> the vets can protect you against enemy armies
<Ryelle> we can track thieves to their homes
<Ryelle> and retrieve your stolen goods
<Ryelle> we can replace your research points if you are hit by saboteurs
<Ryelle> but this …
<Ryelle> there is no protection
<Ryelle> no escape
<Ryelle> no avoiding this terrible fate!
<PrimutusV> no no!
<Ryelle> so Fluffy, he had the best of intentions
<Ryelle> he wanted to help this new player
*john5420 covers ears
<Ryelle> so he sent out the care-a-vans
<sajreth> I don’t know if I can read anymore…..
*sajreth begins trembling
*Ryelle breathes shakily
<Ryelle> I’m not sure I can go on
<Ryelle> are you newbs sure you want to hear this?
<sajreth> be strong Ryelle!
<PrimutusV> Tears floods of tears
*john5420 sneaks in and steals Ryelle before she can finish
<sajreth> they MUST be warned
<Ryelle> well, the caravans reached the gates of the city
<Ryelle> and they began to unload the wagons
<Ryelle> first they unloaded the wood
<john5420> noooooooooooooo
<Ryelle> and that was ok
<Ryelle> Fluffy’s wood is the best!
<Ryelle> then they unloaded the stone
<Ryelle> he had not sent much stone
<Ryelle> so that was ok
<Ryelle> then they unloaded the iron
<Ryelle> and the storehouse began to be full
<Ryelle> but there was still room for the iron
<Ryelle> but then
<Ryelle> oh then
*Fluffy stumbles into chat
*Ryelle draws in a deep, quavery breath
*sajreth runs and hides behind a tree….noooo!
<Ryelle> the CLAY!
<Fluffy> wee
<Ryelle> the young lad stood in front of the caravans of clay
<Ryelle> and gave the order to unload
<Ryelle> and …
<Ryelle> some have described the sight to me
<Ryelle> I don’t know who to believe
<Ryelle> for that young lad, that new player
<Ryelle> was completely CRUSHED
<Ryelle> by the load of clay
*Ryelle shakes head sadly
<Ryelle> never heard from again
<PrimutusV> sad so sad
*Ryelle reaches out to hug Primutus
<Innoble> they say he is now one of the human statues you can find. One made of clay.
<Alagos> a sad tale Ryelle!
<Ryelle> it was TERRIBLE
<Ryelle> TERRIBLE
<Alagos> has therapy helped?
*Ryelle is forever scarred by the incident
*Ryelle sniffle
<Xarthos> poor Ryelle
<Ryelle> anyone have …
<Tanis tolis> here s a tissue Rye
<Ryelle> a haaankerchief?
<Ryelle> oh, thank you tanis
*Ryelle blows nose noisily
*Ryelle hand tissue back to Tanis
<Ryelle> so all I ask of new players is
<Ryelle> PLEASE
<Ryelle> PLEASE
<Ryelle> PLEASE
<Tanis tolis> throws it in trashand says ewww..thx a lot Rye…lol
<Ryelle> for the love of all you hold sacred
<Ryelle> UPGRADE YOUR STOREHOUSE!!!!
*Ryelle retreats to ac, sobbing

This (above) is the condensed version.

For the full version, visit this link:
http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/the-clay-incident-as-told-by-ryelle_topic2236.html

 

Posted October 27, 2011 by illyriadsunstorm in Stories / Chat